Get Clear on Sex
Get clear about sex. Most of us could learn to receive a lot more pleasure than we are now experiencing. The key to this is your willingness to have it. To have a good sex life you must have high self-esteem. If you have a low opinion of yourself you won’t think you deserve sexual pleasure. Another way of looking at this is to say that you will have only as much pleasure in sex as you are willing to give yourself.
These days people have read so much about sexual techniques that both men and women are self-conscious and worried about gratifying their partners. What actually works best in bed is pleasing yourself. By this, I mean that the partners can make an agreement to be responsible for their own orgasms by telling each other what is most pleasurable and taking turns in giving and receiving. If you agree to be completely honest about your desires and your responses then there is never any need to wonder about whether your partner is happy or bored, satisfied or frustrated, tired or turned on.
Of course, sexual fulfillment requires you to get rid of all your old negative thoughts about sex being dirty, dangerous, forbidden, scary, or whatever. Sex is innocent! It is all those old negatives we attach to it that mess us up. You can start clearing them now by writing down all your negative thoughts about sex and turning them into affirmations.
Think about sex
This may seem obvious, but it is very important: When you are having sex it helps to think about sex (many people actually think about the dry cleaning, the garbage, the kids, and the shopping instead). Focus your whole attention on the area of your body that is being touched. During foreplay when you are taking turns pleasuring each other, both people should be concentrating their attention on the person receiving. I focus my attention on the area of my body being touched and my partner focuses his attention on the area of my body being touched; then we switch. Two minds focused on one body make very powerful sexual energy, and sex is energy. The purer your energy, the purer and greater the sexual experience.
It helps to remind yourself that you can stop and talk during a sexual experience — especially if it is not going the way you want. For some reason, people behave as if, once they start, they can’t change it or talk about it until it is over. Communication is important. You have to learn to ask for what you like.
Some people tend to hold their breath during lovemaking. Believe me, you can take in a lot more love if you are breathing!
And it is a wonderful time to Rebirth yourself together if you have learned how to do that. Sex is totally different once you have resolved your birth trauma. For one thing, it suddenly becomes safe to let go totally; you can surrender because you know there is nothing lurking down there that is scary or sad. For another, your breathing is adjusted and you can handle a lot more energy and pleasure as a result. You can even learn to control your orgasms and make them longer by holding your breath at certain times.